This Valentine’s Day, as we have been focusing on our love for the significant people in our lives, I’ve been reflecting on how significant the relationship we have with ourselves is, in terms of its impact on our health and energy.
How we feel about ourselves really dictates how we interact with others around us: how we let situations unfold and how we let people speak to us or treat us.
Many issues in relationships have an impact on our energy levels and our wellbeing, e.g. if we are allowing ourselves to be treated disrespectfully, we are giving away a lot of attention and energy to others who might be very draining, or if we are putting others before ourselves consistently to avoid discomfort.
Many of these draining behaviours come from a lack of self-esteem. Self-esteem is about how we estimate or measure our opinion of ourselves. Ask yourself, do you consider yourself with the same respect and importance as others when you are making plans and when you are considering what people in the office or in the family need?
Do you feel that your opinions or needs count and that they will be heard, respected and taken into account in decisions?
If we aren’t able to like, love and accept ourselves, how can we expect others to do the same?
Not feeling able to be your true self around other people, for fear of judgement or rejection, leads to masking behaviours which use up a lot of mental energy. Likewise, avoiding certain people or situations, because we lack the self-esteem or confidence to deal with them authentically, causes tension and can be exhausting.
When we learn to get comfortable with owning our feelings, opinions and needs and communicating them clearly and assertively to others, we start to take up space in the world and reclaim parts of ourselves that we may have abandoned in the past, or given away, to prioritise others or to stay safe.
We all have the right to be heard, loved and respected as a human being. Sometimes others around us are limited in how they will engage with us but we can learn to love and respect ourselves, and to put boundaries in place to let others know how we want to be spoken to or treated.
Toxic behaviours like shaming, scape-goating, bullying, ridiculing and emotional manipulation have no place in healthy relationships.
What I see a lot with my clients who have chronic fatigue, chronic pain and auto-immune conditions is that they can find it very hard to deal with challenging people in their lives and also to take care of themselves by putting rest, play and hobbies into the week, without feeling guilty or selfish. They have poor nutrition, are working long hours and live in fear of letting others down. When they feel exhausted and want to rest, they feel they should be doing something more productive or achieving more, and they worry others will see them as lazy.
When clients learn that it’s only possible to heal from these conditions when they can reframe rest as doing something incredibly important and realise that committing to including rest and joy in their week is an essential step towards loving and caring for themselves, they start to heal and see symptoms falling away.
What are you doing for your self-care this week that is just for you?
How are you letting others know what you need right now?
What boundaries could you put in place to protect your energy and reclaim your health and wellbeing?
I have recorded a really helpful webinar to help you with asking for what you need, and being able to set boundaries, which is available to purchase HERE.
I invite you to sign up for my free monthly newsletter or to book in for a free discovery call to see how I can help you improve self-esteem, confidence and feel calm and energised, both available on my website.
I look forward to hearing from you!
Wendy x
Feb 2026